In the autumn, my youngest child should be off to university, and for the first time in about 20 years, I will be able to go back to working ordinary full time. Oh, the constraints of being Dad’s Taxi service for the school run in a place where cars are the only good solution, and with a spouse who does not drive but had a so-called “greedy job”—a job that is overly demanding of a person’s time.
Accidental Pathfinder
I did not realise, 20 years ago, when I first went slightly part time for childcare reasons, that I was still an accidental pathfinder for men in this role. I would spend two decades cursing the vagaries of school timetables, unexpected curriculum mornings, late-night working to catch up, and begging playdates and sleepovers so I could do overnight stays for meetings without inflicting multiple two-hour bus journeys on my offspring.
This is not in any way meant as a whinge (we had choices) but more as a rough and ready social commentary: The times, they are a-changin’, to quote Bob Dylan (apologies if I’ve just planted harmonica sounds in your head).
In my parents’ generation, it was almost an unwritten rule that women would take the part-time job AND do the full-time childcare role, partly driven by the significant gap in pay for the same job. I suspect in many households it still is. My parents were slightly more modern because they ran their own business, so my dad had more flexibility. Meanwhile, my mother also became an area manager with good pay and a company car for Tupperware—sort of the Ann Summers of its day—allowing women to have extra earning potential through a direct-to-women sales party model that fit around their commitments. It’s also easy to forget that my dad was advanced for his era. Unlike his elder brothers, who wouldn’t be seen dead even pushing a pram, my dad actually knew how to change a nappy (Terry Towelling in their day) and even did so a few dozen times.
In reality, my parents’ generation, and many people nowadays, absolutely relied on grandparents for childcare. I loved all the card games my grandmother taught me to play (and cheat at!) and the stories my grandfather told me of fighting fires during the Blitz. My other grandfather was effectively a single parent in the 1940s. He had help from his elder sister, who was a career woman and remained single because too few men of her generation survived WWI.
(Women working in a WW2 Munitions Factory. Source: mylearning.org)
Work and Women Through the Ages
What isn’t true is the idea that working-class housewives with no external wage were ever really the norm for more than a fleeting decade or so in history. My grandmother’s generation went to work in the factories of WWII, using lathes and capstans to build the metal widgets that fought the war. They then stayed in those jobs for decades afterward, treated as second-class employees, paid less, and with little chance of promotion. Still, it was arguably better than her grandmother’s generation, whose role, in the Midlands, was to stay at home with the inevitable large gaggle of children—all of whom had to hand-make nails from stiff wire, because we forget how slow industrialisation really was.
You may, of course, be aware that even good employers like Cadbury’s insisted that women give up their jobs when they got married. But did you know that women teachers in England were barred from being married until 1944, and married women were barred from some parts of the civil service until 1973?
So, as I said, this is not a whinge. It’s more about acknowledging that each age and individual tends to have their own challenges. When you see me and others creeping out of the office at some strangely early time, only to start emailing at 10 pm when we finally catch up, just remember: we have always lived in complicated and changing times. The massive changes in WWI and WWII for my grandparents, or the Covid era of Zoom and Teams for our generation, are just the more observable shifts—each bringing advantages and difficulties in equal measure.
Finally, if you’re wondering how someone complaining about a lack of time has had the time to write this article—it’s because I just mucked up. Unexpectedly, the eye test I just had involved eye drops that prevent me from driving for several hours. Oops, there goes the school run. Fortunately, the school hasn’t yet banned mobile phones in the sixth form. In my day, we would have been left standing there clueless for hours before eventually wandering back on foot to find the latch key or visiting friends by turning up on their doorstep unannounced. Those were the days!
A Reflection for International Women’s Day
This glimpse into the experiences of a father navigating the ever-changing landscape of work and childcare brings us to a wider discussion on International Women’s Day. This day serves as a reminder that the balancing act of work and family is a shared one, evolving with societal norms and expectations. Historically, women have generally bore the brunt of this responsibility of childcare and care-of-the-elderly, often at great personal and professional cost. While times are changing, progress comes from recognising that flexibility at work benefits everyone—women, men, and families as a whole.
Every family is unique, and making work and home life fit together isn’t about outdated roles but about partnership, choice, and support. So, on International Women’s Day, let’s celebrate the progress made, acknowledge the challenges that remain, and continue working towards a world where balancing work, childcare, care-of-the elderly and other commitments are balanced by needs and practicalities, not the arbitrary expectations of another era.
(Article by by one of our Principal Consultants at Optima)